So. . . there’s this photo being passed around Facebook of a woman on bended knee proposing to her man. It’s sparked quite a few discussions about whether it’s a good idea for women to propose to men.
I remember my response: “Nope. Not ever.”
No, I’m not judging the motives or the relationship of the couple in the photo (from what I understand, the woman proposed to her fiance as a joke AFTER he proposed to her).
No, I’m not saying that it’s a sin for a woman to propose to a man.
But I will say that I hope that the trend of women proposing to men doesn’t catch on.
And fortunately. . . nature is on my side.
Researchers at the very liberal UC Santa Cruz reported that both men and women tend to have traditional views when it comes to marriage proposals.
In other words, the large majority said that they prefer for the man in the relationship, not the woman, to propose marriage. Not one of the men surveyed wanted their partner to propose. Click here to read the study.
Some were surprised by the results of the study. But why the surprise? I guess the attempt to eradicate gender distinctions hasn’t succeeded? The push to convince the masses that “gender is fluid” and “men and women are equal in function” isn’t working fast enough?
I’m not quite sure why experts in the field of psychology would be surprised that most men and women prefer for the man to propose marriage, and not the woman.
Surely, with all of their expertise, they understand that it’s a man’s natural instinct to pursue a woman and ask for her hand in marriage. It has nothing to do with “sexism” or any attempt to control, suppress, or dominate women. It’s nature. It’s the way God created and designed men to function. And no amount of liberal education can change it, which is why, even at a very liberal college, most men and women still prefer for the man to get on bended knee.
In case you aren’t aware yet, the authors on this website are (as Asia put it) “stone cold Jesus followers.” We believe that God has revealed the natural order of things in creation itself. We also believe that God has revealed the natural order of things in the Holy Scriptures.
Creation shows that it’s a man’s natural instinct to pursue women and ask for a woman’s hand in marriage. And Scripture shows that it is the man who pursues the woman and asks for her hand in marriage.
Eve did not make Adam her husband. God created Eve and Adam made Eve his wife. Ephesians 5 states that the marriage relationship was designed to illustrate Jesus’ relationship with His Bride, the ekklesia — who is His very body.
Jesus said “You didn’t choose me. I chose you“ (John 15:16). We didn’t seek God first. He sought us first and initiated our covenant relationship with Him. The entire Bible shows the Lord pursuing a set-apart called-out people for Himself.
I’m not saying this to make a Biblical case that it’s wrong, evil, or sinful for a woman to propose to a man. I’m saying this to make a Biblical case that since the marital relationship is intended to illustrate Jesus’ relationship with His Bride (the ekklesia), and Jesus is the one who sought us first and initiated our covenant relationship. . . then this would explain why it’s a man’s natural instinct to pursue a woman and be the one who proposes marriage. Men aren’t being “sexist.” They are simply functioning in a Divine design that was established in the beginning.
So the results of the study at UC Santa Cruz didn’t take God by surprise. It’s not “benevolent sexism.” It’s the natural order of things. Not even liberal college students can escape it.
Are Women Who Propose Desperate??
Perhaps some women propose to their man out of desperation, low self-esteem, insecurity, or to issue an ultimatum. But I’m sure that this isn’t the case in every situation. I wouldn’t be so quick to paint people with a broad brush.
But, if a close friend or family member told me that she wanted to propose to her man, I would probably ask her a few questions:
1. If her and her man have already discussed marriage. If not, then she is seriously putting herself out there by popping the BIG question when they have not even discussed marriage. It is wrong and risky to put someone on the spot like this.
2. If her man is marriage-minded and if he has demonstrated a solid serious interest in marrying her. If his mind is not geared towards marriage and his ACTIONS/BEHAVIOR does not reflect that he is thinking about settling down with one woman for life, building a family, and leading righteously — he is not marriage-minded and a marriage proposal is not on his radar.
3. If she’s proposing to her man because she’s tired of waiting for him to take the initiative. When a man is marriage-minded AND he wants to marry you — he won’t take forever to let you know and do what it takes to make you his wife. If you drive him crazy (in a good way) like no other woman and he sees that you have what it takes to build a family with him, he won’t have your ovaries collecting dust while you wonder if he wants to marry you and WHEN will he propose, because he won’t want you to move on so that another man can snatch you up.
4. If her man says “no”, what will she do? What is her plan of action if he rejects her marriage proposal? Has she considered that? What is her plan B? I would assume that a fair amount of time went by (enough time to get to know one another) before she considered proposing to him. But what if he still “isn’t ready”? At that point, will he EVER be ready? Is she okay spending more years of her life with a man who “isn’t ready” to marry her and probably doesn’t want to marry her?
5. When she pops the question, will her man be overjoyed and taken by surprise in a good way? Is she sure that he’ll respond with a resounding “YES!” If not, then she shouldn’t propose, and she shouldn’t waste a dime on a ring and put herself through the pain, embarrassment, and humiliation. Once again, when a man is marriage-minded AND he wants to marry you — he won’t leave you wondering. He WILL let you know. He’ll let others know too. “That’s my future wife.” You won’t have to rattle your brain and emotions questioning if he’ll say yes or no. If he hasn’t already shown you a “YES!” ( in his actions/behavior and discussions about marriage) — don’t do it girl!
6. Lastly, I would ask her, if she never proposed to him, would he EVER propose to her? If not, she shouldn’t even entertain the notion of marrying him and she might want to evaluate whether it’s in her best interest to waste any further time and energy in a relationship with him.
Some will read this article and think that I am saying women were created to be servile doormats. I’m not saying that. Some will think that I’m saying marriages that were/are initiated by women won’t be successful. I’m not saying that either.
There is nothing wrong with a woman making herself available to a man that she is interested in, sending him signals (i.e., a smile, a compliment, etc), and letting him know that she is marriage-minded (i.e., at a place in her life where she is open to marriage and is not interested in dead end relationships).
There is nothing wrong with a woman telling a man who WANTS to marry her: “Honey, it’s obvious that we both love one another and we want to build a family together. Rather than test our flesh and fall into sin, let’s go get married.” If your man is marriage-minded AND his actions/behavior reflect that he intends on marrying you — it’s smart to get married and make it official asap, rather than putting it off and burning with lust and falling into sin. There is no point in waiting and torturing yourselves with temptation when you know that you both want to tie the knot.
But I believe that there is a big difference between both of these things, and getting on bended knee with a ring to propose to a man who has not made it as clear as day that he wants to marry you and build a legacy with you for the rest of his life.
When a man proposes to a woman and puts that ring on her finger, he is making it clear to her that he wants her and her only to have his last name. It is one of the most significant moments and milestones in a man’s life. Men feel a great sense of joy and accomplishment in announcing to their parents, friends, and associates that they have finally decided to marry the most amazing woman they have ever met.
When a man gets on bended knee and pulls out that ring box, the woman already knows that his answer is “yes!” But for the woman who gets on bended knee and pulls out the ring box, there is no guarantee that her man will say yes and there is no telling what is running through his mind.
What say you? Join us on the discussion board to sound off!